THESE ARE ALTER MEMORIES NOT FANFICTION
I thought I’d be a bit vulnerable and share Noelle’s experiences with the sawyer family
It’s really long so just a warning-
Noelle entry:
One of the earliest memories I had was when I was in the basement of my late parents house.
I had been living down there since I was old enough to walk, and continued to until about my 18th birthday I believe
I never knew my date of birth, so all I had was estimates from when my family had last gotten me a gift for my birthday and told me how old I was turning
I remember waiting for my supper to be brought down to me as it had been every night
But since about noon that day all I had heard was silence when I would normally hear my parents walking around or my mother cleaning the house
That day I broke the one rule that I had to follow, don’t go upstairs unless escorted.
I found my parents dead in their beds, I didn’t quite know what to do so I panicked and packed my things and left, worried that I would be accused of killing them somehow.
Most people didn’t know my parents had a child, so it wasn’t like they’d question me
Later on I noticed I had to find work or I wouldn’t be able to eat, so with one of the dresses I had taken from my mother the day I left I went to go to the only place I knew I didn’t have to be pretty to work at
The slaughterhouse
I got hired and picked up the work fairly easily, my mother had said I would’ve became something great if I wasn’t ugly as sin, so I did well
While working there I met bubba, who most workers in the house would ridicule endlessly about his mannerisms and face
I started trying to get closer to him, working near him to fend off the workers who would pick on him, and defending him in private conversations
He took notice to it, and as we got closer I noticed how sweet he truly was
He was gentle, kind, funny enough he truly did love animals despite where we worked and he just overall was a very intelligent and loving man
He was the first person besides my parents who had seen my face, and he loved me despite my scarring
I fell in love with him harder than a truck could hit an ox
But I still hadn’t known about the family chili recipe, so before anything he introduced me to his brothers
Chop top right out the gate called me pretty, he said I had a nasty scar but that still meant I’d make a good woman (I giggled, he was very silly)
Nubbins was excited to have someone to share his photography and family recipes with that wasnt his brothers.
Drayton was the hardest to get the blessing of, saying I had sexed up bubba to believing he was in love with me
I explained I hadn’t even had one single dirty thought about bubba because I believed marriage was key when it came to things like that, and I wanted to have a child as a direct result of that so I would wait anyway
It took him a while but he warmed up to me
After a bit of living in their house per bubbas request I eventually learned the big family secret
I didn’t mind, it was a bit noisy but that was it
I was too sheltered to care, and I truly did love bubba so if that meant I’d have to live with it I would.
A few years into living with the sawyers the Vietnam war had hit, and men were getting drafted left and right to fight in it.
Choptop was the one who had to go for the family, as much as I didn’t want him to.
He was already unprepared mentally for something that extreme, and he could die
Bubba was in shambles the most out of the family so I had no time to dwell on my feelings, I had to do what I could to stay strong for him and hope and pray that choptop would come home safely and in one piece mentally and physically.
I was the one packing his clothes for Vietnam, and alone in his room I weeped
I had never known real family until the sawyers, and this stupid war was ripping that from me.
Chop top inevitably left and so I took over his household responsibilities, which meant I would have to take care of the dirty work with bubba
That’s when I learned how to slaughter human rather than animal, it wasn’t ideal but it helped the family
And I wanted to be as helpful as possible.
While choptop was gone, drayton got very antsy about when we’d get married, saying if we didn’t do it soon we’d get tempted to have unmarried sex
Drayton was always like that so it didn’t surprise me hearing that from him, but I know Bubba did really want to get married. I had been living with them for about 3 years at that point and I had known bubba longer so I figured it would happen with time
Bubba did propose, with the help of nubbins making a sweet decorated spot to have a makeshift fancy dinner at
It was very nice, and of course I said yes
Months went by, and as much as drayton pushed to have the wedding right away I explained that I wouldn’t have it until choptop came back. I wanted the whole family to be there for it because I saw it as a very important ceremony for not only bubba but me as well.
Choptop came back honorably discharged because he had lost a piece of his skull and had to have it replaced with a metal plate
I was mortified, not because of the way he looked but because it was apparent he had gotten worse
He was more jittery, and though he still had his charm and energy
He had a harder time controlling his self destructive and malicious tendencies
I loved him all the same and I knew he loved me and the family the same too, he just had a harder time controlling himself
Me and bubba did get married, and it was the most beautiful thing I could’ve imagined
I was in my mothers dress and bubba sported his nicest tie (I knew it was his nicest because he had only worn it ever when he proposed to me)
The wedding was obviously very small due to the fact I had no other family and the sawyers obviously were more incognito
Bubba CRIED like crazy
But I’m assuming it was because he was happy
Choptop and nubbins were ecstatic and drayton was actually very happy and praised bubba for growing up and finding someone “adequate”
A few months after the wedding I found out I was pregnant, when I told the family they were very excited to know the sawyer name would live on and tried to be as doting on me as possible
Bubba was VERY careful with me during this time and wouldn’t even let me make my own tea
Sadly I ended up losing the baby, drayton blaming me for it saying I was careless and the other brothers comforting me through the tragedy
What was worse was bubba was catatonic, thinking he had lost the baby and might lose me since he was under the impression I would die due to all the blood loss.
I couldn’t comfort him and that was the hardest part for everyone including me
I hated seeing him upset
Eventually everything calmed down, but I didn’t talk for a few days after that
Bubba was gentle with me though, always loving on me when he had the chance to so he could show me that he was there and he cared
Nubbins would take pictures of the prettiest flowers he’d find on his walks and give them to me
And choptop would turn on the radio and put it on my favorite station while I learned to crochet.
(I tried to do this in order but sometimes I remember random things)
I remember I had a mask as a child that I wore when slaughtering with bubba (humans)
So that I could hide my face and also so the blood wouldn’t get in my eyes
